At the time of writing, it's just gone 10pm, it's the 3rd August 2011, and the night before I have an audition.
I won't publish this for a few days, because I've found that it's just too painful to tell lots of people. That may seem odd- let me explain. It's not the telling people before the audition that's the issue. In fact, I'm usually so excited I've got one I want to tell the whole world. The problem is after, when for weeks it seems, people are asking me how it went. I know they're only being nice, but it's not fun having to constantly repeat the words 'didn't get it'. Nor is it helpful if I'm waiting for that phone-call, desperately trying to forget about it in order to sleep at night, being constantly reminded of it by people asking 'how did it go?'. Obviously, again, people are only being caring, and if I have actually told you about an audition, I'm happy to be asked, it's just when it's lots of people asking!
So basically - if I didn't tell you about this audition, please don't be offended! I'm just a little over-sensitive.
I'm writing this in order to document my audition experiences and feelings. I've had several auditions now, and to be honest, they've all ended in disappointment. It's not an unusual story for someone trying to get into the acting business, so I'm hoping I can come back to this in a few years time, and see it in a different light. (You may want to refer to an earlier piece I wrote about writing down how you feel now, because the gift of hindsight in the years to come is amazing)
Right, so how am I feeling now? Apart from the obvious 'nervous' and 'excited'. Well...it's just odd. Because I don't even quite know what the best way to feel IS. On the one hand, I want to keep telling myself not to get too excited or hopeful - the chances are I won't get it, there'll be lots of other people after the part, so to get too optimistic will just leave me more upset later on. But on the other hand - I don't want to have a 'well, I won't get it' attitude, because then I simply won't give it my best, I'll just think there's no point.
In terms of what I actually do think...well, every time I have an audition, all that I can see in my mind is me getting it. Because that's just nicer to think about. I'm pretty sure it's not me being big headed. I know I'm not the world's best actress, or one of the best...and a lot of the time, I wonder if I'm any good at all, it's just when the opportunity comes up...however small...all my mind can do is 'but what if...?' It does mean I take it pretty hard when I don't get it though, and I really wish my mind would just stop it. What tends to happen is I start to play that phone call through in my head...get part way, then just tell myself to shut up. Don't think about that. Don't think that it's actually going to happen.
Preparing for the audition doesn't help. I spend a lot longer fretting over my appearance than I would for anything else, and if I'm not at uni, I have to travel up to London, which involves costly train tickets, and pretty much renders that day useless for anything else.
In short, it's stressful- the unknown, the cost, the time, the money, the effort, all for something that probably won't happen. But I can't let go. I can't just give it up. I spend an awful lot of my time daydreaming about being an actress, and there's nothing (bar one odd BBC3 thing), I've auditioned for that I haven't genuinely wanted to be a part of. Somehow, the grief all this gives me is worth it, just for that tiny chance that one day I'll get lucky.
I hope I do post this - whether I get the part or not. Only time will tell!
Monday, 8 August 2011
Sunday, 7 August 2011
Audition Nerves Part 2
Ever heard the phrase 'that slow realisation'?
Well...that's an understatement when waiting to hear back from an audition. You see, in this industry, you only get contacted if you get the part. No one will call you purely to tell you that you haven't got it. And it's also very rare that they'll give you a timescale, or anything to indicate how long to keep your hopes up for. This time, I did get lucky in that respect - I was told 2-3 days. However, whether that counts the weekend or not I have no idea.
Every half hour or so in which you don't get a phone call, you feel slightly less hopeful. But, you still haven't heard one way or the other, so it's natural to cling on to that idea you may still be in with a chance. After a week or so, that's usually the stage where I tell myself 'I definitely haven't got this'. But that's a week of sitting there willing the phone to ring. (Anyone who's called me in the days after an audition has probably experienced me trying not to sound disappointed it's not the call I wanted!)
I had my audition on Thursday, it's now Sunday. If those 2-3 days included the weekend, it's fair to say I haven't got it. If they don't, then there's still some hope they'll call tomorrow. So, a whole day for me to sit wondering. It's like 'that sinking feeling', but whatever it is that's sinking, is taking it's time.
Well...that's an understatement when waiting to hear back from an audition. You see, in this industry, you only get contacted if you get the part. No one will call you purely to tell you that you haven't got it. And it's also very rare that they'll give you a timescale, or anything to indicate how long to keep your hopes up for. This time, I did get lucky in that respect - I was told 2-3 days. However, whether that counts the weekend or not I have no idea.
Every half hour or so in which you don't get a phone call, you feel slightly less hopeful. But, you still haven't heard one way or the other, so it's natural to cling on to that idea you may still be in with a chance. After a week or so, that's usually the stage where I tell myself 'I definitely haven't got this'. But that's a week of sitting there willing the phone to ring. (Anyone who's called me in the days after an audition has probably experienced me trying not to sound disappointed it's not the call I wanted!)
I had my audition on Thursday, it's now Sunday. If those 2-3 days included the weekend, it's fair to say I haven't got it. If they don't, then there's still some hope they'll call tomorrow. So, a whole day for me to sit wondering. It's like 'that sinking feeling', but whatever it is that's sinking, is taking it's time.
Saturday, 23 July 2011
Comedy Classics - In 20 years time?
So, I've just finished watching a show called 'My Favorite Joke', where comedians talk about their favourite sketches/stand ups/routines/shows/scenes etc and why they love them. As expected there were a load of clips showing 'classic' comedy moments from many years ago. And it got me thinking...what moments from the current comedy offering will be making it into the clip shows of the future?
Now...it's very hard to predict what will survive the test of time (except for obvious ones like The Office), especially when many of them are still running. It's not always the shows that are hugely popular and mainstream in their time that are remembered (I recently wrote a whole essay on why a 70s show called The Goodies, which was enormously popular, isn't often considered with the likes of shows such as Monty Python today). What I can do however...is pick out the moments and shows that have stood out for me. So, here are my classic comedies of the future, complete with clips where I've been able to find them:
My personalised 'look back at how wonderful comedy was in the past' show would have to start with one of my earliest memories of being in stitches from a broadcast. And I use that word carefully, because it was in actual fact a radio show. I remember being away at my grandparent's house, all of us around the table for dinner, listing to a show called I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue. If you haven't heard it - check it out, it's still going! The round in question was called 'One Song to the Tune of Another'. And it was just that. Very simple, and very silly. But when you're a young child, that is the absolute epitome of hilariousness- and it still comes quite close when you're 20! Now, I can't remember exactly how old I was or what the exact songs were, so I can't get the precise clip, but here's a flavour of what I would have been laughing at:
And from there my love of comedy just grew and grew (with a lot of thanks to my Dad!). One type of show that's brilliant for creating moments that stick in your mind is the sketch show. I love sketch shows when they are properly thought out, because they are just packed full of ideas. No need to worry about a story or a plot, it's just a bunch of people trying to be clever in as many ways as possible. My favourite sketch show has to be That Mitchell and Webb Look (That Mitchell and Webb Sound is also well worth a listen). It's a great combination of some very very clever, yet wonderfully silly and surreal moments, that often also make a very good point at the same time. (In an older version of the show there's a great sketch where they turn the violence of animals rights protestors on its head and show a human rights protestor about to set fire to a dog). My absolute favorite however, has to be this:
The line at the end of that first sketch is just sublime. Perfectly timed...and you genuinely don't see it coming (I'm trying not to write it, in case you haven't seen it and I ruin it for you!) It's clever - and comedy really needs that. It uses hindsight to find a part of war that no-one really thinks about. Everyone wants to be fighting on the side of good guys right?
Another great sketch show full of really clever ideas is Armstrong and Miller. The obvious sketch to refer to here is probably the WW2 pilots who act and speak like teenagers of today (or at least a view of today's young people), but still in black and white with posh accents. And it is brilliant. But the sketch that really got me going is as follows:
This is brilliant visual comedy. It probably appeals to me more than it does to some because the memories of sitting in an exam hall, not being allowed to look anywhere except at my paper are still pretty strong, however, as with the Mitchell and Webb sketch, the punchline (this time a visual one), just takes you by surprise and is utterly hilarious. You think it's brilliant, but at the same time feels like it should have been obvious. Also, I now have a great image in my mind of my old science teachers doing a jig at the back of the room whilst I was trying to remember the chemical formula for calcium chloride.
Sitcoms. Another great form of comedy. Whereas the sketch show is great for cramming in as many ideas as possible, the sitcom allows the writer to run with an idea, as well as create a context in which certain ideas can be funny, where they may not have worked as a standalone joke. Creating a great character is also a vital part of a sitcom. My favorite type is the ridiculous but so loveable. I've never been a fan of nasty characters created purely to be cruel to. I want to like the people who the storys are about. And who can be more loveable yet utterly hilarious than Moss from the IT Crowd?
This clip is to me, everything sitcom should be. As well a culmination of events and jokes from the rest of the episode, the actions taken are very character specific (can you imagine Jen sending that e-mail?). That 3 minute clip is packed with both visual and verbal gags. It also manages to combine something we can all identify with (trying to get the tone of an e-mail right), with the downright ridiculous (fire in the office, partly caused by a fire extinguisher). There are many sitcoms that I love (Gavin and Stacey, Miranda...), the best of them managing to have you in stitches, without ever loosing the heart of the show or the characters.
Whereas many years ago, our screens were jam packed full of sitcoms (or so I'm told), that baton has been swiftly passed on to the panel show. Cheap to produce, and pulling in large audiences, commissioners can't get enough of them. And to be honest, neither can audiences. The right panellists can some create some excellent, as Dave puts it 'witty banter'. (Now there's a point. The shows that enjoy recognition years after they're first broadcast are often the ones that enjoy endless repeats in the meantime. Does that mean the fate of these shows are left squarely in the hands of the executives at Dave? In which case...things are looking up for Top Gear and QI). There are some programmes that will pop straight into people's heads when the words 'Panel Show' are mentioned (Have I got News for You, Mock the Week...) However, the one that I always wait for in anticipation is Would I Lie to You? It seems that they just seem to have got it right with that one. David Mitchell and Lee Mack work perfectly as team captains - they're both very smart and quick witted, but their comedy personas are in stark contrast to each other. Good comedy often involves picking things apart, and often includes an anecdote - whether real or made up - and Would I Lie to You mixes both together perfectly. Even if the guests are rubbish (which hardly ever happens), both the format, and the team captains (and indeed the host - Rob Brydon), can still cary the show. Here's a taste of it:
Now, stand-up. Another great form of comedy. And again, I could go on for hours listing some amazing stand-up comedians and routines (Rhod Gilbert's suitcase routine is worth a look), however, it's already gone 1am, so I need to hurry up and just choose one. And that one just has to be Michael McIntyre. He just never fails to make me laugh. I can't find my absolute favourite routine which is about tasting wine in a restaurant, so I'll settle for this:
I love the way he just talks about normal activities, but then with such amazing energy manages to find the absurd in them.
Nearly there now...Ok, so I'm quite thick skinned when it comes to TV having a dark or adult edge, but crudeness for the sake of crudeness has never appealed to me. Rude doesn't automatically mean funny. However, rude combined with clever can be. And no-one does that better than Charlie Brooker. I absolutely love Screenwipe and Newswipe. There are so many clips I could show you, but I'll go with the extract from Newswipe that went viral:
As a lover, and in fact student of television, this show is a must for me. Sometimes Brooker will rip something to shreds, picking it apart and making some cutting, but usually very true observations about a show, or the way a piece of news has been reported. But even better than that, Brooker knows how television works, so there's often a description of how television is made, sometimes with its own example show along side it. I really recommend giving these two shows, hidden away late at night on BBC4, a watch.
And finally, this is cheating because it's from the 70s, but I love The Goodies. It does not get the recognition it deserves. Just sublimely silly. Here's a genuinely classic clip:
Now...it's very hard to predict what will survive the test of time (except for obvious ones like The Office), especially when many of them are still running. It's not always the shows that are hugely popular and mainstream in their time that are remembered (I recently wrote a whole essay on why a 70s show called The Goodies, which was enormously popular, isn't often considered with the likes of shows such as Monty Python today). What I can do however...is pick out the moments and shows that have stood out for me. So, here are my classic comedies of the future, complete with clips where I've been able to find them:
My personalised 'look back at how wonderful comedy was in the past' show would have to start with one of my earliest memories of being in stitches from a broadcast. And I use that word carefully, because it was in actual fact a radio show. I remember being away at my grandparent's house, all of us around the table for dinner, listing to a show called I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue. If you haven't heard it - check it out, it's still going! The round in question was called 'One Song to the Tune of Another'. And it was just that. Very simple, and very silly. But when you're a young child, that is the absolute epitome of hilariousness- and it still comes quite close when you're 20! Now, I can't remember exactly how old I was or what the exact songs were, so I can't get the precise clip, but here's a flavour of what I would have been laughing at:
And from there my love of comedy just grew and grew (with a lot of thanks to my Dad!). One type of show that's brilliant for creating moments that stick in your mind is the sketch show. I love sketch shows when they are properly thought out, because they are just packed full of ideas. No need to worry about a story or a plot, it's just a bunch of people trying to be clever in as many ways as possible. My favourite sketch show has to be That Mitchell and Webb Look (That Mitchell and Webb Sound is also well worth a listen). It's a great combination of some very very clever, yet wonderfully silly and surreal moments, that often also make a very good point at the same time. (In an older version of the show there's a great sketch where they turn the violence of animals rights protestors on its head and show a human rights protestor about to set fire to a dog). My absolute favorite however, has to be this:
The line at the end of that first sketch is just sublime. Perfectly timed...and you genuinely don't see it coming (I'm trying not to write it, in case you haven't seen it and I ruin it for you!) It's clever - and comedy really needs that. It uses hindsight to find a part of war that no-one really thinks about. Everyone wants to be fighting on the side of good guys right?
Another great sketch show full of really clever ideas is Armstrong and Miller. The obvious sketch to refer to here is probably the WW2 pilots who act and speak like teenagers of today (or at least a view of today's young people), but still in black and white with posh accents. And it is brilliant. But the sketch that really got me going is as follows:
This is brilliant visual comedy. It probably appeals to me more than it does to some because the memories of sitting in an exam hall, not being allowed to look anywhere except at my paper are still pretty strong, however, as with the Mitchell and Webb sketch, the punchline (this time a visual one), just takes you by surprise and is utterly hilarious. You think it's brilliant, but at the same time feels like it should have been obvious. Also, I now have a great image in my mind of my old science teachers doing a jig at the back of the room whilst I was trying to remember the chemical formula for calcium chloride.
Sitcoms. Another great form of comedy. Whereas the sketch show is great for cramming in as many ideas as possible, the sitcom allows the writer to run with an idea, as well as create a context in which certain ideas can be funny, where they may not have worked as a standalone joke. Creating a great character is also a vital part of a sitcom. My favorite type is the ridiculous but so loveable. I've never been a fan of nasty characters created purely to be cruel to. I want to like the people who the storys are about. And who can be more loveable yet utterly hilarious than Moss from the IT Crowd?
This clip is to me, everything sitcom should be. As well a culmination of events and jokes from the rest of the episode, the actions taken are very character specific (can you imagine Jen sending that e-mail?). That 3 minute clip is packed with both visual and verbal gags. It also manages to combine something we can all identify with (trying to get the tone of an e-mail right), with the downright ridiculous (fire in the office, partly caused by a fire extinguisher). There are many sitcoms that I love (Gavin and Stacey, Miranda...), the best of them managing to have you in stitches, without ever loosing the heart of the show or the characters.
Whereas many years ago, our screens were jam packed full of sitcoms (or so I'm told), that baton has been swiftly passed on to the panel show. Cheap to produce, and pulling in large audiences, commissioners can't get enough of them. And to be honest, neither can audiences. The right panellists can some create some excellent, as Dave puts it 'witty banter'. (Now there's a point. The shows that enjoy recognition years after they're first broadcast are often the ones that enjoy endless repeats in the meantime. Does that mean the fate of these shows are left squarely in the hands of the executives at Dave? In which case...things are looking up for Top Gear and QI). There are some programmes that will pop straight into people's heads when the words 'Panel Show' are mentioned (Have I got News for You, Mock the Week...) However, the one that I always wait for in anticipation is Would I Lie to You? It seems that they just seem to have got it right with that one. David Mitchell and Lee Mack work perfectly as team captains - they're both very smart and quick witted, but their comedy personas are in stark contrast to each other. Good comedy often involves picking things apart, and often includes an anecdote - whether real or made up - and Would I Lie to You mixes both together perfectly. Even if the guests are rubbish (which hardly ever happens), both the format, and the team captains (and indeed the host - Rob Brydon), can still cary the show. Here's a taste of it:
Now, stand-up. Another great form of comedy. And again, I could go on for hours listing some amazing stand-up comedians and routines (Rhod Gilbert's suitcase routine is worth a look), however, it's already gone 1am, so I need to hurry up and just choose one. And that one just has to be Michael McIntyre. He just never fails to make me laugh. I can't find my absolute favourite routine which is about tasting wine in a restaurant, so I'll settle for this:
I love the way he just talks about normal activities, but then with such amazing energy manages to find the absurd in them.
Nearly there now...Ok, so I'm quite thick skinned when it comes to TV having a dark or adult edge, but crudeness for the sake of crudeness has never appealed to me. Rude doesn't automatically mean funny. However, rude combined with clever can be. And no-one does that better than Charlie Brooker. I absolutely love Screenwipe and Newswipe. There are so many clips I could show you, but I'll go with the extract from Newswipe that went viral:
As a lover, and in fact student of television, this show is a must for me. Sometimes Brooker will rip something to shreds, picking it apart and making some cutting, but usually very true observations about a show, or the way a piece of news has been reported. But even better than that, Brooker knows how television works, so there's often a description of how television is made, sometimes with its own example show along side it. I really recommend giving these two shows, hidden away late at night on BBC4, a watch.
And finally, this is cheating because it's from the 70s, but I love The Goodies. It does not get the recognition it deserves. Just sublimely silly. Here's a genuinely classic clip:
I could go on forever. I haven't even mentioned the breakthrough of improvisation meets sitcom in Outnumbered, the fantastic mix of satire and silliness in The Now Show or the wonderful word play by the one and only Milton Jones. The fact is, I love the way this country does comedy. There may be some rubbish, but there is also so much that is wonderful and clever, and most importantly, makes me laugh!
These are just some of the moments of it that have stuck with me. What would be your 'classic' moments be? If you need something to jog your memory - check this page out:
See how many times you do I what I did and go 'Oh! I remember that!' and 'Oh I LOVE that show!', or even 'Yeah, that one didn't really work'.
I'm looking forward to seeing which clips from this era will be endlessly played on our screens in 20 years time.
Wednesday, 20 July 2011
Looking back, thinking forward...
This is just a bit different to my last post...
Recently, I went back to something that I had almost forgotten about - our youth forum from church! I started using it again as part of something I'm helping out with, but just by chance, today I thought I'd have a little look at some of the stuff we used to post on there. And what started off as 'a little look', soon turned into 'WOW'.
There was some stuff that just made me laugh like silly word association games that went on forever, and some that sent waves of nostalgia - like our 'top five' section, where I think I have changed my mind on almost all of my lists!
However, what really got me thinking was the more serious section of the forum that we used to talk over any issue that was going on in our lives and also to post anything relating to God that we wanted to discuss. There was some amazing writing in the 'Verses to Creativity' section (bar my own, which made me cringe a little!), and also some really interesting discussions. Then I came across some of my own posts relating to what was going on in my life, like this one:
All that worry! And look where I am now...on a great course, one of the few they're actually expanding at Ravensbourne next year...and, yes, I got into it!
That reminded me of just how much worrying I was doing. Trust me, it was a lot. Talk to any of my friends at my church...they'll verify that for you. Stress...tears...anxious phone calls and e-mails to Ravensbourne, my word I was so caught up in it all! And over what? God sorted all of that! I miraculously got into Ravensbourne, I'm definitely on the right course (apparently there's not much going on in the land of scriptwriting). And on top of that, I found a great church just round the corner when I moved!
My life is basically like that...I spend a good deal of time stressing out over things...I struggle my way through them...then a look back a while later, and see God had it all in hand anyway! And guess what I'm doing right now...yes...you got it...WORRYING. Even after seeing how God's always been right there in my life. However...it has calmed me a little, thoughts about getting a job, finding somewhere to live, finding work experience are still running through my mind....every little detail, but I have now been reminded that this is not the first time I've felt like this, and I know much deeper down that God does have it in hand, and he does have a plan for me. Even if I'm screaming inside to know what it is.
But what made me remember that is the forum. It's because I actually wrote down what I was feeling at the time. And that's what I want to encourage you to do - whether it's private, like a hand written diary or a password protected document on your computer, or public, like a blog or posting on a forum - get it somewhere where you can look back on it. You'll be amazed to see what God's done for you. Even if you don't believe in God, do it anyway, because the lessons we learn through living life are so valuable - but that doesn't always mean we remember them!
Recently, I went back to something that I had almost forgotten about - our youth forum from church! I started using it again as part of something I'm helping out with, but just by chance, today I thought I'd have a little look at some of the stuff we used to post on there. And what started off as 'a little look', soon turned into 'WOW'.
There was some stuff that just made me laugh like silly word association games that went on forever, and some that sent waves of nostalgia - like our 'top five' section, where I think I have changed my mind on almost all of my lists!
However, what really got me thinking was the more serious section of the forum that we used to talk over any issue that was going on in our lives and also to post anything relating to God that we wanted to discuss. There was some amazing writing in the 'Verses to Creativity' section (bar my own, which made me cringe a little!), and also some really interesting discussions. Then I came across some of my own posts relating to what was going on in my life, like this one:
That reminded me of just how much worrying I was doing. Trust me, it was a lot. Talk to any of my friends at my church...they'll verify that for you. Stress...tears...anxious phone calls and e-mails to Ravensbourne, my word I was so caught up in it all! And over what? God sorted all of that! I miraculously got into Ravensbourne, I'm definitely on the right course (apparently there's not much going on in the land of scriptwriting). And on top of that, I found a great church just round the corner when I moved!
My life is basically like that...I spend a good deal of time stressing out over things...I struggle my way through them...then a look back a while later, and see God had it all in hand anyway! And guess what I'm doing right now...yes...you got it...WORRYING. Even after seeing how God's always been right there in my life. However...it has calmed me a little, thoughts about getting a job, finding somewhere to live, finding work experience are still running through my mind....every little detail, but I have now been reminded that this is not the first time I've felt like this, and I know much deeper down that God does have it in hand, and he does have a plan for me. Even if I'm screaming inside to know what it is.
But what made me remember that is the forum. It's because I actually wrote down what I was feeling at the time. And that's what I want to encourage you to do - whether it's private, like a hand written diary or a password protected document on your computer, or public, like a blog or posting on a forum - get it somewhere where you can look back on it. You'll be amazed to see what God's done for you. Even if you don't believe in God, do it anyway, because the lessons we learn through living life are so valuable - but that doesn't always mean we remember them!
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