Why I'm Allowed to be Disappointed with a 2.1

Despite its near inevitability after the year I've had, it was still incredibly painful to open that letter and see the number '2.1' staring back at me.

I made no effort to hide my disappointment and I don't regret that. I do understand that all the responses I received were in my best interests and that people were only trying to make me feel better, but I'm afraid I just won't be told how to feel about this. I simply was gutted and I'm pretty sure I always will be because it wasn't the result that I worked for. That's not to say in any shape or form that I regret my time at Ravensbourne or working as hard as I did, I gained a lot of great experience, learnt more than I ever thought I could and met some amazing people. It's not like it's one or the other - I can appreciate my time at Rave and be gutted with the final outcome of it at the same time.

I want to answer a few of the main arguments often given to people when they're unhappy with their grade:

• It belittles other people's achievements. No it doesn't. If someone has really struggled with their degree for whatever reason, worked their backside off and received a 2.2 then they've actually done better than me because they've overcome something and fulfilled what they set out to do. Last year I got a distinction for my foundation degree so I've proven to myself that I am capable of this, and even though I may not have fallen I have certainly stumbled at the final hurdle. That doesn't make anyone actually reaching their goal of getting a 2.1 worth anything less. 
• It makes you look arrogant. I personally don't believe it's arrogance because I know you have to work exceptionally hard for a 1st and certainly don't believe I had any sort of automatic right to one. I had a benchmark that I unexpectedly hit last year by getting a distinction, but then failed to maintain it this year despite working harder than ever. I believe that's the difference between arrogance and trying to be the very best you can be, but if you want to call it arrogance, fine. 
• Results aren't the be all and end all/it's only a number on a piece of paper. I know that. I also know I'm looking to get into an industry that doesn't give a stuff about results, but to me, grades have always been important. It's still the official representation of three years of my life. It puts people in boxes, and since the most common grade to be awarded is a 2.1, I feel like I've been put in the middle of a very big box marked 'average'. If results mean that little, get rid of them. Until then, they're going to affect me. 

I know that, despite my best efforts,  the above statements are difficult to argue but if I'm never disappointed with myself then how am I ever going to develop? Trying to convince myself that a 2.1 is what I wanted may make things feel better in the short term, but as a long term plan it sucks. Forever being content with what I achieve means I'm never going to push myself to be better. I'd rather let myself get hurt, let it get to me that I should have handled this year differently and then use that to be better at whatever I do next.

Not only that but I sacrificed an awful lot to focus on my studies. I have a lot of other interests that I neglected, on top of that I didn't go to church for months and I barely saw my family or any friends outside of Ravensbourne. In the past I've been quite seriously trying to get into acting but I often put that on hold for Ravensbourne which may have set me back permanently on that one. I gave up an awful lot, especially in the final year, and, to me it didn't pay off. At the same time I see people celebrating getting the same grade as I did who didn't give up nearly as much. You can't expect me not to take that badly.

I touched on this a little above but this is not about a sense of entitlement either, I know grades aren't calculated on how much effort you put in, and I know that if a 2.1 is what I got, then (even if only by a set of weird and wonderful assessment criteria) that's what my work was worth, which is why I took it so hard. I know to achieve anything in life you have to meet certain standards. I learnt that from my family who have had to work really hard to get where they are. They also invested an awful lot in me, especially my education so to start to repay them by getting a 1st would quite literally have been a dream come true. I know they're amazing parents and are proud of me whatever I do, but that actually makes more determined to be the best I can for them.

So there you have it, this is my justification for not getting out the party poppers when I saw my results. However, I do want to say to anyone also who got their results recently - don't let this sway how you feel personally. If you got a 3rd and were just happy that you'd passed, stay that way. If you got a 1st and are unhappy that you got 90% instead of 100%, stay that way too (although - well done!). The point of this blog isn't to say that a 1st is the only degree that's worth having, not in the slightest. In a way, it's not really about a degree at all, it's about personal goals and understanding that it hurts, really hurts when you work your backside off to achieve them and they don't come through.

If you were disappointed with your results, no matter how well you've done, you're allowed to be upset, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just don't let that be the end of you and don't see it as a reflection of your self-worth. I spent a day crying about my results because it represents a huge chunk of my life and I believe I had every right to but they still don't define me. As I said earlier, letting stuff like this get to you every once in a while can motivate you in the long run. If you've really worked for something, chances are you would have learned a heck of a lot along the way. Fight back. Prove to the world why the piece of paper was wrong. I'm certainly going to.