What I started thinking about was this - I'm coming towards the end of my third and final year at uni and in all that time I haven't even been vaguely interested in drinking, experimenting in drugs, sex or any other such activities that students apparently like to get into. I know that doesn't make me unique and that plenty of students are perfectly happy to head off to uni simply to learn to live independently and to get a degree, but this stuff has just been something I haven't cared for in the slightest, and looking back it's only just beginning to strike me that it's not as normal as I've been assuming. Me never feeling tempted to experiment is partially down to the huge blessing of some amazing parents and never being put under any genuine pressure by my friends to do anything I'm not comfortable with, but nonetheless, seeing and talking to other people around me suggests that I am sort of...weird not to have been a little curious. Some would call me naive, and perhaps I am to some extent, but that's not really an explanation to my complete lack of curiosity.
The other elephant (or maybe mouse, in this scenario) in the room is that I'm a Christian and as such that brings a certain way of life and a solid reason not to try these things (or in the case of sex...not to try it yet), but the thing is, it doesn't feel like I'm resisting temptation. Yes I believe that because of my faith, there are some things I shouldn't try, but really I'm just not interested. One of my uni friends keeps joking that he's 'waiting for me to crack', which is quite an amusing thought, but the thing is it's just not like that - I'm not fighting anything. (Though incidentally there's a whole other potential blog in that about how really as a human being I 'crack' all the time, maybe not in terms of 'sex, drugs and rock and roll' but in lots of other ways, and the whole point of Christianity is that God's taken care of it).
That's when something clicked. In past times I've sometimes felt like maybe I'm doing something wrong in my Christian life because I've never thought I'd felt God's permanent presence in the way that people sometimes talk about. I hear testimonies from people saying that they're always 'aware' of God with them like it's some obvious thing that they feel all the time, and I start to wonder if maybe because I don't feel like that I've missed something in letting God into my life. But that's actually so, so far away from the truth. To be honest it's downright arrogant of me to think that to let God in I can do anything more than simply ask. The very fact that certain temptations that come from uni life don't interest me in the slightest means the gaps and curiosities that have had the potential to open up in my life have been filled by God all this time. He's constantly with me and satisfying me. I may not feel like I'm in some permanent God-filled bubble (and to be honest, I'm glad that God's making sure I keep my feet firmly on the ground and that He allows me to use the brain He gave me), but He's always there working in me.
I'm not interested in getting drunk or trying weed or whatever because God is way bigger and so much more out of this world than any experience a chemical substance can give me. Who needs the fakes when you have the real thing? It's not like that's some big revelation or realisation though - it just is. I've just never needed anything else. And yes maybe one day I'll marry someone and have sex with them but for now that's just not a concern for me, I have the love of God, the love of my family and some amazing friendships in my life and that's more than enough. I know that's not the same as romantic love, and maybe one day I'll experience that, and I look forward to it, but for now I just don't need that. God's provision means I can just focus on living my life.
I'm not 100% sorted, of course I'm not - I know I often try and use career and university ambitions to fill a gap that I should be allowing God to fill, and I don't want start getting smug because the fact that I'm not tempted now doesn't mean I never will be. Plus like everyone else on this planet there are plenty of other temptations in life I do struggle with. All the same, God satisfies me in so many ways. He fills gaps that I'm blessed enough to not even know can exist. The reason I've not noticed and have taken that for granted for so long is that God's been with me, satisfying me all my life. I've never known any different, and now it's finally dawning on me I'm so, so grateful. God is great - permanently great!
Some of the most powerful things in life are the ones we don't notice. A good computer runs and completes tasks so efficiently we barely know it's happening, oxygen provides us life without us even thinking about it. God's power is so strong that it's been working all my life and I've not noticed most of the time. It's only by taking a step back and looking around and inside me that I realise. So a huge thank you to my wonderful parents for introducing me to Him when I was growing up, and a massive thank you to God for being more than enough!
The song 'Enough' by Chris Tomlin has certainly taken on a new meaning for me. It was actually on the first worship CD I ever owned, and I don't think I ever fully appreciated that value of what Tomlin sings about until now!
All
of You is more than enough for all of me
For
every thirst and every need
You
satisfy me with Your love
And
all I have in You is more than enough
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